


This is me trying

by OlisDrabbles



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Boys In Love, Canon Era, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Insecure Merlin (Merlin), Kissing, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Scars, im so tired of them, kind of???, they're pretty much together without the label lets be honest, title has nothing to do with taylor swifts song i just liked it and thought it fit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlisDrabbles/pseuds/OlisDrabbles
Summary: Merlin sighed and looked to the side, his shoulders pulling in uncomfortably. Arthur just watched in confusion and didn't understand. At all. “Are you shy?” He asked, because it was the last thing he could think of. He knew Merlin didn't owe him anything. Of course he knew, but he just didn't understand.“Something... like that.”orArthur wants to love Merlin, but our friendly neighbourhood warlock has scars he doesn't like flaunting around
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 421





	This is me trying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [radievx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radievx/gifts).



> just a small little ficlet i wrote for fun and practice, honestly, but since it's done i'm giving it to Shay because IT'S BESTIE'S BIRTHDAY  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAY, AGAIN. ILYSM❤  
> but yes i hope y'all like...i wasn't even sure if i wanted to post this one, honestly, but i ended up saying fuck it and here we are

Arthur watched silently as Merlin prepared his bath, pouring in hot water with skilled hands. They were both tired, their energy and spirits low from the bandit attack they had survived earlier. It had been unexpected, as they always were.

Merlin put down the bucket and sighed softly, leaning down to dip two fingers in the water. It didn’t seem to meet his standards. Or, more accurately, Arthur's, because his eyes filled with a rich molten gold a moment later.

Arthur couldn't help the shiver that travelled through his body at the hint of magic he felt spread into the air, reaching for him and touching his skin. It was his favourite feeling.

Well, one of his favourites.

Merlin stood up and looked at Arthur, their eyes meeting. “It's ready.” He said lowly, breaking the silence they had developed throughout the last couple hours. It was always like that after an attack, the weight of numerous lost lives still heavy on their hearts.

With a nod, Arthur stood and rid himself of his tunic, then everything else as well. The water was perfect when it hit his skin, as it always was. He settled down and took his sponge, scrubbing away dirt and sweat until his skin was pink.

Arthur eyed Merlin in the meantime. The man was going around the chambers like he always did, picking clothes and tossing them in a basket so he could take them down for washing later. He wanted to ask, but decided against it.

“Can you get my back?” Arthur asked instead. Merlin lifted his head and looked at him, then nodded. It was nothing unusual between them. Especially considering the nature of their relationship.

Merlin walked up behind him and kneeled, gently taking the sponge and bar of soap from him. He rubbed the soap all over his sore muscles, then scrubbed the skin clean. Arthur just let his head hang there, shoulders dropping and relaxing at the caring, careful way Merlin handled him. He was always so gentle, touching him like he was a treasure to be kept safe. Like he was his treasure.

“Do you wish to come in with me?” Arthur asked then, because he couldn't hold it back. Merlin’s arm stopped and Arthur closed his eyes, hoping he hadn't crossed a line there.

“You must be sore as well, and dirty.”

Merlin stayed silent for a moment, then blew air out his nose in that amused way of his. Arthur knew there was a little smile on his face, his left dimple deeper than the one on the right. He briefly wished he could check.

“No, that's alright. But thank you.” Merlin answered quietly, a gentle tone in his voice, like he knew he was letting Arthur down.

Crestfallen, Arthur nodded and let Merlin go again, since his back was clean. He finished washing the rest of his body fairly quickly, then got up and dried himself off, getting back into his clothes with minimal help from Merlin.

Usually, he'd get ready for bed then, but he didn't want to sleep. Not yet. It didn't take Merlin long to pick up on the fact either.

Arthur smiled gently as Merlin nodded at a wine bottle and raised a questioning brow. He nodded, and Merlin grabbed it.

The fire roared to life as they settled in their usual spots on the floor, the magic shifting the air and causing the hairs on Arthur's arm to stand up.

Merlin opened up the bottle and poured some of the wine in Arthur's goblet, then a bit in his own as well. Arthur thanked him as he brought it up to his lips and took a sip, enjoying the taste it left in his mouth.

“Try not to spill it everywhere, _Mer_ lin. You're the one that'll be scrubbing it out of the carpet. _Without_ magic.” Arthur warned as he watched him fiddle with the bottle. Merlin scoffed and decided to just play it safe, leaving the bottle on a small nearby table. He settled back in his spot and crossed his legs, taking his own sip of the wine.

Arthur took a moment to just, look at him. He watched the flickering colours of firelight moving over his manservant's face and followed the line of shadow going along his sharp cheekbones, framing his face.

The gold flecks in the blue of his eyes were more visible now. Almost like they were showing the man's true nature... Displaying the extent of his power. How even when pushed down, it could be found. One just had to know where to look.

“Come,” Arthur whispered, causing Merlin's head to quickly turn. They stared at each other for a moment before Merlin smiled and nodded. He moved their goblets a safe distance away and made his way to Arthur, on his knees.

He'd learned since the day they met.

Settling on his lap, Merlin smiled and caressed the side of Arthur's face. He could do nothing but melt into the touch, his eyes looking up at Merlin like he hung the moon and stars.

“Hi,” Merlin said softly, and Arthur couldn't hold himself back, so he kissed him.

He could feel a little smile against his lips right before Merlin pressed back. Long, elegant fingers slid into his hair and plump lips opened up for him, letting him do whatever he wished. It felt as amazing as always.

Arthur sighed and wrapped his arms around Merlin, right where they belonged. He loved the way Merlin melted into him, like he thought just the same.

Merlin pressed his body closer and breathed in Arthur's scent, his hand moving down from his face onto his neck while the other held onto his shoulder, burning a mark into his skin. Arthur could barely handle it. Especially when Merlin started doing those wonderful things with his tongue.

Arthur bunched Merlin's tunic in his hand and slid the left one down, feeling the little bit of skin that got revealed in the process. Oh, how he wished he could have access to all of it. That Merlin would let him.

They've done things before. But they were always quick and covered. Nowhere near what Arthur really wanted.

Merlin made a little noise and leaned back into Arthur's hand, sending his heart flying into his throat. It was more than a little embarrassing, considering what all they've done already, but this was different. This was so different.

“Merlin,” Arthur whispered, trailing kisses along the line of Merlin's jaw.

“What?” Merlin asked softly. His eyes were closed and head tilted back, enjoying Arthur's touch. He liked it. Arthur just had to...

“I want you.” He whispered, getting a little chuckle in return.

“Okay.” Merlin said easily, smiling. He didn't understand.

“No,” Arthur pulled back and looked at him, from one eye to the other. “I want... I want you. Only you.” He pressed his fingers into Merlin's lower back to further emphasise his point, and the pretty smile on Merlin's face finally fell.

“Arthur...”

“Why?” Arthur asked, forcing his voice to stay stable. Merlin didn't reply. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“Gods, Arthur, no.” Merlin shook his head and held his face again, like he was trying to comfort him. Or convince him.

“Do you want me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then why?”

Merlin sighed and looked to the side, his shoulders pulling in uncomfortably. Arthur just watched in confusion and didn't understand. At all. “Are you shy?” He asked, because it was the last thing he could think of. He knew Merlin didn't owe him anything. Of _course_ he _knew_ , but he just didn't _understand_.

“Something... like that.”

Arthur frowned and tilted his head to try and look at his face. “Merlin, you're beautiful.” He said softly, and Merlin closed his eyes and blew air out his nose again, like he was frustrated.

“That- you haven’t even-"

“I don't care. You're beautiful.” Arthur repeated, dismissing whatever he was about to say.

Merlin stared at him for a couple moments, trying to figure him out. As if Arthur didn't wear his heart on his sleeve, but he supposed Merlin always was more oblivious about these kinds of things.

“Arthur, I’m not...”

“That's alright." Arthur cut in, just to reassure him. So he knew he didn't have to do anything. Merlin smiled slightly, fond.

“That's not what I meant, dollophead. Let me finish.” He huffed, and Arthur obediently stayed quiet. For once.

Merlin seemed to struggle with his words, which he usually had no problem with. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, looked down at himself then away, his eyes troubled.

Arthur watched him with sad eyes and brought his hands up to take that pretty face in his hands and pull it in. He planted a kiss on those lovely red lips and smiled to himself, arms snaking around Merlin's neck and bringing him closer. Merlin's eyes were closed still, but he finally smiled again.

Arthur stared at Merlin's soft looking face and smiled wider when those big blue eyes opened and looked at him, the pupils bigger from the low light.

“Stunning.” Arthur whispered, and somehow the pupils grew even larger, the tips of Merlin's ears flushing in a tint of red.

Merlin chuckled and glanced down at his lips, leaning in to give him a couple shy little kisses.

Arthur was just about to pull him even closer when Merlin's arms reached up and started working on the knot of his neckerchief. He got it off and Arthur's heartrate spiked pathetically, eyes watching as Merlin grabbed the hem of his tunic and pulled it up, off his considerably muscled body.

Arthur couldn't stop the little gasp that escaped his lips as he looked down, because it wasn’t just pale skin. His eyes instantly fixed on the marks littered over his lean body, the most prominent being the large burn mark on his chest.

He instantly understood.

“Merlin...” Arthur whispered, his heart cracking deep down in his chest. Because how could all that have happened without him noticing? How could Merlin have had so many scars Arthur never managed to prevent him from getting?

Looking up at Merlin, Arthur watched as he chewed on his lip and flushed, looking away in shame. He shook his head gently, trying to process this, then reached out and pulled him into a hug, holding him tight. Merlin only managed to make a surprised noise as it happened, his body rigid for a moment before relaxing.

Hesitant arms wrapped around Arthur’s waist, and for a moment Arthur wished he could stay there forever. Keeping his Merlin safe in his embrace.

Merlin shouldn't have been the one protecting him. He shouldn't have been the one in danger, getting battle scars. That was _Arthur's_ duty. Merlin was supposed to be the one under Arthur's protection. Arthur was supposed to be his king.

He was supposed to be his friend.

Pulling away, Arthur looked down at the burn and put a hand on it, eliciting a small noise from Merlin.

“This one's old. How did you get it?”

“Nimueh.” Merlin mumbled, and Arthur recognised the name. He hadn't heard it in a very long time, but he recognised it.

Looking over, Arthur recognised an arrow wound Merlin got during an ambush. He was there for that one.

He noticed something at the back of his shoulder and gently tried to get him to turn to his side, so he could look.

It was a large slash scar, healed over now, but still with a permanent mark on Merlin's pale skin. “It's from a serket.” The man said quietly, making Arthur’s brows furrow.

“Knights have died from such beasts.” He whispered, and only got a chuckle in return. Merlin turned his head and looked at him, then down at his shoulder.

“I'm not a knight.” He said softly.

Arthur sighed, shoulders dropping in defeat. No, he wasn't.

He looked over the rest of the smaller arrow and cut wounds, then noticed one on his nape. It was a darker mark, more on the inside than out.

“Morgana?” Arthur asked as he touched it, and Merlin nodded in confirmation.

“When I tried to kill you.” His best friend whispered, in a guilty, horrified undertone.

Arthur looked down at it and hummed thoughtfully, then leaned down and pressed a gentle, soft little kiss on the skin.

Merlin tensed up, his breath hitching and head turning, so he could look at him. Arthur met his gaze, and with a little smile, leaned down to kiss the serket slash as well.

“Beautiful.” He whispered, smile getting playfully bigger as Merlin's eyes widened.

“You look like a startled stoat.”

Merlin’s lips fell open and he scoffed, then smiled. Arthur quite loved it, especially with the blush on his cheeks. “You pig.”

“Pigs are quite intelligent creatures. More so than any domestic animal.”

“Yeah?” Merlin grinned, turning so he was facing him again. “How would you know? Have you spoken to one?”

“I'd know because _I'm_ intelligent.” Arthur gave him a big, charming smile, and Merlin laughed.

“Yeah, alright.”

“But I would also like to point out _I'm_ the one that found _you_ covered in mud that one time.” Arthur added, causing Merlin to let out a genuine cackle, his face split in a big bright smile and cheeks dimpled. Adorably so.

Merlin looked down at him and playfully wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck.

“Are you calling me intelligent right now?” He purred, and Arthur just rolled his eyes, pulling him into a kiss Merlin was only far too happy to return.

The exchange softened and Arthur felt long fingers play with the hairs on his nape, lips soft and wanting bellow his own.

“It was all for me, wasn't it?” Arthur asked quietly, his tone so... sad. He felt so guilty, seeing physical proof of the pain Merlin has been through for his sake.

Merlin nodded silently, and Arthur's chest filled with anguish.

He felt a gentle hand on his face, the thumb rubbing his cheek, and then Merlin spoke. “I'm proud of how I got them.” He said softly, and Arthur gave him a weak little smile.

“You should be. The horrors you've managed to survive...”

“That's not why.” Merlin laughed quietly, looking so ridiculously fond. Arthur eyed him with a strange look, but closed them when Merlin leaned in and kissed him, again.

“I'm proud because I kept the love of my life safe."

And he always would.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are much appreciated :D have a nice rest of the day. if you got this far, i love you  
> [here's my twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/dqdcliviq)  
> 


End file.
